The principles behind Continual Courtship:
At the root of the philosophy underlying Continual Courtship lies
the assertion, my assertion, that human beings as a general rule are
built to take things for granted. From the act of waking up in the
morning to carrying on a conversation, there are literally thousands
of signals, movements, muscles and commands that are given, consciously
and subconsciously that would take up all of our available concentration
if we were to focus on them. If we were to truly contemplate and celebrate all
the myriad elements and miracles of everyday life that occur all around
us, we would end up stuck in a corner, eyes wide and mouth slightly
agape, drooling in idiotic wonder for the rest of our lives. The stimulus
would simply be overpowering.
Therefore, we take things for granted. In a way, this serves as a screen; a
defensive shield from becoming overwhelmed. Unfortunately, it can also
become a misused tool that allows us to dull ourselves to the beauty of
life around us. Conversely, this same innate tendency toward taking things
for granted can be turned to our advantage at any given time. By the simple
reasoning that everything and ANYthing we take for granted, we can choose
to acknowledge and even celebrate at will.
When applied to relationships, this principle becomes the cornerstone for the
philosophy of Continual Courtship. In any intimate relationship, especially one where the participants are routinely exposed to each other for large periods of time, it is a natural phenomenah, and indeed one could argue an inevitable one, that over time certain things will begin to be taken for granted. For instance, the very fact that two people sleep together every night, can rob the experience of some of the joy and novelty inherent in that experience when it was still new or infrequent.
The fact that they kiss every day when greeting each other can reduce
some of the ardor that used to immediately manifest itself the minute their mouths were within a few inches of the other. These kinds of everyday actions and their inevitable consequences, if left unchecked, can lead to perceived boredom, dissatisfaction, and other potentially relationship-threatening conditions. However, I believe it is possible to create an atmosphere of daily renewal that completely halts this downward spiral while continually reviving and refreshing the foundation upon which the relationship is built.
The method for affecting this turns out to be quite simple really. Our proclivity toward taking things for granted continually presents us with opportunities to NOT take those same things for granted; to acknowledge, celebrate and revel in those very things. Case in point: my Lady very frequently walks around naked for a brief time just after taking a shower or getting up in the morning, etc. She likes to be naked. Thus, I see her naked all the time. Sometimes, just to do it, I will take away the perception of “ I see her naked all the time” as well as the “ this is my Lady” for a moment. THEN, I look at this woman walking around naked in my apartment. There is a naked woman, a beautiful
woman, walking around NAKED, in my apartment. NOW add to that -this is MY Lady and -all of a sudden I’m viewing an angel. My angel. In her flesh, and beautiful and divine as anything divine can be. This is my privilege. In that moment, I am pretty close to awed; struck by the beauty of my life, that I am allowed to view this tableau, something as simple as a nude woman unselfconsciously being herself, at home in her skin; at home in OUR home. Wow.
There are times when she’s caught me and the look on my face causes her to blush, and suddenly become shy, because the adoration present in that moment is radiating out of me like the brightest lamp.
And the best part is, we can choose to do this, to take pleasure in any one thing or several things ANY TIME WE WISH! Every DAY if we want to! Several times a day! Why not?
In this way, we can continually be awed, amused, refreshed, moved, inspired by the one person above all others in the world we should be working to be all of those things with and by- our partners. When coupled with open communication, true honesty, meaning with yourself and between yourselves, and a huge dollop of love, this technique [for lack of a better word], sets one up perfectly for the Commitment to Continual Courtship and what I consider to be one of the secrets of creating and maintaining a beautiful, healthy,
looong lasting intimate relationship.